You know what I hate?

Centipedes.

I HATE centipedes!

I possibly hate them even more than spiders. And I hate spiders. I see a spider, I run away. Unless it's near my children. Then I scream, squish, then do the freaky-creepy-OMG-I-got-close-to-it dance. My children think this is absofuckinglutely hillarious.




Back to the centipedes...




They're just fucking creepy! They're long, and freaky looking with those gianormous legs! AND THERE'S A TON OF LEGS!!!

And they're fucking fast. Too fast. You cannot squish these fuckers because they just run away from you! They're like the allstar olympic track runners of the bug world.

And that just makes me hate them even more.





I had one chase me this morning. I was doing laundry. Fucker ran at me from under the washer. I screamed.

I screamed, I ran, and I fell on my face after tripping on a toy.

Stupid centipede must have booby trapped my escape route! I saw it laughing at me. Then it charged again. And I screamed again. And my children laughed at me.




I love my dog.




I screamed, the kids laughed, the centipede charged... AND MY DOG POUNCED!!!

I love my dog! She's my hero, and currently my favorite. She saved me from the centipede. Ambushed that fucker.

She smacked it. She squished it. She ate it.

Awesome.




I gave her bacon for that. Doggie bacon, but she's still happy.




Centipedes - 0 ... Dog - 1