To Lie Or Not To Lie...

...that, apparently, is a huge question!


Be warned. This will get long!





I guess the first thing to do is figure out what is meant by "lie". Let's look at some definitions:



"LIE"

noun - 1. a false statement made with the intent to decieve; an intentional untruth; a falsehood ... 2. something intended or serving to convey a false impression ... 3. an inaccurate or false statement

verb - 4. to knowingly speak falsely ... 5. to convey a false impression ... 6. to bring about or affect by lying



Well, now we know what a "lie" is, and what it means "to lie". Basically, knowingly saying something you know to be false. Or, saying something to intentionally portray someone or something differently than what/how that thing or person is.



As for why this topic has come up:



I recently have been flamed for a parenting decision. That decision is to never lie to my kids. I cannot expect them to tell the truth if I am unwilling to do so myself. I want my children to ALWAYS speak the truth. As such, I must ALWAYS speak the truth as well. I cannot expect them to behave in any way I am not willing to myself.

In my situation, this means that I also cannot lie where my daughter's father (BFa) is concerned. Yes, she is only 4 years old. However, she has begun asking questions concerning her father. She has also begun requesting to stay home, rather than going to visit him.



We'll start with a simple one:



Maybe 4 months ago my DD started an "I don't like boys" kick. This has been an ongoing thing, and yes, it includes ALL boys - Daddy, little brother, and BFa included. About 3 months ago, DD started asking me if I liked this person or that person. It started with people like a grandparent, then an aunt or uncle, then a cousin, then Daddy, then her brother...

...and then she moved on to people in BFa's family. She stuck to 3 people:

WBFa ... BFa ... Grandma (BFa's mother)

Now, some would tell me I was wrong for what I did. They would say that I should have lied, because it would be a small lie. They would say that I should have lied because it would prevent DD from making her decisions and basing her own feelings on those of her mother (mine). However, if I were to lie, based on that argument wouldn't she still base her opinions on what I said? Would she then not learn to form her own opinions, because her own might differ from Mommy's? Wouldn't she only like these people because Mommy likes them?

I told DD the truth. I like WBFa a little bit, but not enough to call her a "friend". I do not like BFa much at all. I do not like, and will probably never like, Grandma.

At the time this happened, DD decided that I only like WBFa a little bit because WBFa puts DD in time-out sometimes. She did not ask if this was why. She decided that must be the reason, and I saw no reason to correct it since she did not ask.

She also decided I don't like BFa because BFa is a boy. Again, until she asks why I don't like BFa, I see no reason to change this.

She could not figure out why I don't like Grandma, though. This one she did ask "why".

Again, there are those who think I should have lied here. I will admit, I can somewhat see their point. I know how my kids are. They don't particularly care for people who are mean to Mommy and Daddy. However, I refuse to lie to my children. If the truth is something good about another person, great. If the truth is something bad, then so be it. I do not believe things should be hidden just because the information may be damning to that person's relationships.

DD asked a question, and while there was a chance it would influence her own opinions I was not going to lie to my child when she asked me why I do not like Grandma.


DD - Why don't you like Grandma?

Me - A long time ago, when you were a very little baby, Grandma said some not-nice things about Mommy. She also did some not-nice things when Mommy took you to visit her. Grandma never told Mommy sorry, and sometimes she still says not-nice things about Mommy. So, Mommy doesn't like Grandma.

DD - Is that why Grandma can't come to our house to play?

Me - Yes, that is part of why she cannot come play at our house.

DD - I like playing with Grandma. Can I still go see her at her house?

Me - Of course you can! If you want to like Grandma, and if you want to play with Grandma when you are there, you can!

DD - I like Grandma. But sometimes she ignores me. Then I don't like Grandma. Can I have some chocolate milk please?

*end conversation*


I see nothing wrong with our conversation. My DD asked a question. I answered her honestly. Some would say I should never have told her that Grandma says bad things about me. But if I were to hide that piece of information, how would I have answered DD's question? I would have had to lie to her. I either would have had to make something up (lie), or I'd have had to find a way to just omit that information (also a lie - lie by omission).

The people who would have had me never reveal that info to DD, though, would also be the people who would have had me lie in the first place. They'd have had me tell DD that I do like her Grandma, in which case I'd never have to tell DD why I don't like the woman.



I've discovered these are the people who would have me spray paint DD's life with glitter. I would create an image of BFa and his family full of goodness, claiming everyone is awesome and kind and loving. I'd take DD's complaints about her father and his family and turn it into something good in order to make them seem less like assholes.

I would intentionally say things intended to decieve DD. I would give her a false impression of BFa and his family.

Sound familiar? Scroll up and read definitions 1 & 2 for "lie".




Now for the biggie, the issue that caused the "rile up" and my "flaming":

My DD's dislike for her father is no longer because "he's a boy". It is no longer an innocent phase she'll grow out of. Currently, she genuinely doesn't like him very much. She may decide in the future that she likes him again, but for the time being she doesn't. As such, she does not want to go visit him anymore, and has told me so for the past 3 visits. The first of which resulted in a MASSIVE meltdown on DD's part that lasted from the moment she woke up that morning until sometime after she was placed in BFa's car.

A rundown of that morning:


6:30am - wake DD up. DD refuses to get up, rolls over and pulls blanket over her head.

6:35am - second attempt to get DD up. She sits up, yells "I'm not going!", then hides under the covers again

6:40am - I pull all blankets off DD's bed and tell her to get up. Screaming ensues. I walk away and get DS dressed and set him up with some Cheerios.

6:50am - DD is no longer screaming. Instead she is sitting on her bed crying that she just wants to stay home. Conversation ensues:

DD - I don't want to go see BFa. I want to stay home with you!

Me - But don't you want to go have fun, and see WBFa? And maybe Grandma?

DD - No! I don't want to see any of them! I don't even want to see (the cat)!

Me - Why don't you want to go?

DD - Because I love you more, Mommy.

Me - I love you too, sweetie. We still have to go. BFa gets to see you too sometimes.

DD - NO! I want to stay home!


This pretty much continued all morning. It also continued in the car on the ride down.

When we got to the meeting place, I spoke with her father before getting DD out of the car. I wanted him to be aware that it might not be the greatest visit, and I told him why. He laughed it off and shrugged as if he didn't believe me.

So, I get DD out of the car. She proceeds to walk up to BFa and tell him she isn't going, that she is staying with me and going back home. DD then proceeds to try and get back in my car.

His reaction? He says "Hey! Where are you going?!" then grabs her and sticks her in his car. No acknowledgement of her being upset, nothing. This results in a major meltdown.

DD is kicking and screaming trying to get out of the car. She is demanding to go back home. She's crying. She starts begging, pleading, and eventually starts looking very scared.

BFa, unfortunately, completely ignores her. He doesn't speak to her, doesn't look at her, nothing. He just straps her in and goes to shut the door. By all means it looked like he had just kidnapped a child, and she was still screaming bloody murder in the back on the verge of hyperventillating.



For a typical 4yo, ignoring a tantrum is what you do. DD is not your "typical" 4yo girl. DD haas behavior issues. These issues stem from emotional issues. These emotional issues, according to her therapist, are most likely due to an underlying mood disorder.

Small tantrums, yes, we are supposed to ignore. Escalations we are supposed to try and calm before they become explosions. Explosions we are supposed to help her calm down. BFa has been informed of this. He was aware of this before the morning of this incident.

DD was escalating, and he ignored her completely. DD exploded, and he continued to ignore her completely. Her explosion cycled into panic...



I intervened. I openned his car door and helped my daughter. I did not remove her from the car. That would have made it worse if she were taken out and then had to get back in once calm.

I did grab her hands in mine and kept saying her name until she was able to look at me. This took about 5 minutes. At that point I was able to get her calmed down in only another 5 minutes of time. Get her to look at me, followed by deep breaths to get her to focus and calm down.

Once calm, I talked to her briefly about why she was upset (wanted to go back home). I told her I understood that she is upset, and that it is ok for her to be upset, but it was not ok to hit, kick, scream, and try to bite. I told her it was BFa's turn to see her, and that I was sure she'd have a lot of fun. I told her I love her, and I reminded her that she'd get to come home the next day. We hugged and I closed the car door.

I then reinformed BFa of her mood disorder and the way her tantrums, escalations, and blow-ups are supposed to be handled. He gave his generic "ok, I get it" response and left.



Before you point out the obvious, I know he doesn't "get it". He's even spoken with DD's therapist about it and doesn't buy into any of it. He thinks DD will just "grow out of it" and be "normal". He's refusing to think this is any different than other kids just being brats. His reasoning? One of his friends' son was supposedly way worse than DD when he was DD's age, and he "grew out of it" and is now the most pleasant child in the neighborhood!

No amount of talking to him is getting him to realize he needs to take this seriously. A mood disorder is NOT the same as typical preschooler tantrum behaviors. But this is for a different venting post.




Now, the reason I told you about this particular DD drop-off:



As I stated, DD currently genuinely does not like her father.

When she came home the next day, I asked BFa how the visit went. According to him, it was not like their normal visits. She had no interest in playing with him or WBFa. She didn't want to talk to anyone, either. There was no running around, nothing. She was just "not her typical happy self". Instead, she sat on the couch and stared at the TV or off into space. Or, she curled up on her bed and slept. Or she sat on the floor in the livingroom looking at books or coloring while ignoring everyone around her. The entire visit DD just seemed very angry, and when she would speak to someone it usually came out sounding very angry.

He asked me if this is a normal occurance at home. I took the opportunity to yet again try to explain to him about mood disorders, especially Bipolar disorder since that is the one the therapist could see her developing into. I told him this will continue to happen. She will either level out around second or third grade and she'll just be a "moody person" her whole life, or she will progress into an actual mood disorder that will probably need management.

He argued that she could still be "normal" and not even be moody. It doesn't have to be that way. I've informed him that, yes, with a mood disorder it IS that way and he needs to understand this so he can appropriately handle problems when they arrise while DD is in his care.



So... crappy visit with her father.



We got home, and she wanted to just go to bed. The next day, however, I did talk with DD about everything. It had become apparent that there's a reason she was that adamant about not going to the point of a blow-up. I needed to find out what that reason is.

As it turns out, DD is ignored for quite a bit when she's over there. Small tantrums, large tantrums, escalations, explosions. Though, explosions usually land her in a time-out over there.

She was most upset, though, that she is ignored when something is actually bothering her. Now, to an adult the "problem" may not be a problem at all. To a 4yo, however, it could be something huge. According to DD, she's ignored over these things as well.

She doesn't like being ignored. BFa ignores her. She doesn't like BFa anymore, and no longer wants to go.




The questions, and honest answers, that got me flamed by a few people:



DD - Can you let me stay home next time?

Me - No, I cannot let you stay home on the days BFa gets to see you.

DD - Why not?

Me - BFa is your father. As such, he gets to see you sometimes too. Mommy gets to see you all the time! BFa only gets a couple times to see you, and you need to go see him.

DD - But you're Mommy. You can tell him "no".

Me - Actually, I cannot tell him "no". Not for this.

DD - Why not?

Me - You know how there are rules that you have to follow? (yeah) You know how if you don't follow the rules you can get into a lot of trouble? (yeah) Well, Mommy has rules she has to follow, too. And if Mommy doesn't follow the rules, she can get into a lot of trouble also. One of those rules is that I have to let BFa see you sometimes.

DD - Oh. Well, can BFa let me stay home?

Me - Yes. On the days that BFa gets to see you, if he were to say you can stay home then you could stay home. If he were to say no, though, then you would still have to go. I'm sure he would miss you a lot if he didn't get to see you.

DD - He can miss me all he wants!

*DD then refused to talk any more about it*




Again, I do not see how I have wronged my daughter by telling her the truth. Will the answers hurt her relationship with her father? Maybe. Like I said before, though, I do not believe truth should be hidden just to "protect" people from the harm that can come when people are fully informed.

It is a fact that I cannot keep DD home on the days BFa gets visitation.

It is a fact that BFa can make the decision to let DD stay home on those days.

I have given my DD truthful information. BFa may not like my honesty, but that is because it places him in conflict with DD when she acts upon the info she has been given. I truly feel it would be wrong to lie to DD in order to protect BFa. If he truly wants a good relationship with her, then he will need to work for it just like any other parent.




As for what DD has done with the information:



The past 2 visits she has asked BFa if she can stay home. She has not had a meltdown. She has not cried. She has not screamed. She has not freaked out in any way.

She gets out of my car, walks up to her father, and calmy asks - "I really don't want to go today. Can I please stay with Mommy this time?"

Sadly, he never answers her. He doesn't acknowledge the question at all. Even if the answer is "no", she would still prefer to not be ignored... and he doesn't even give her that.

So, for the past 2 visits, I have watched my DD ask her question. I watch her get ignored. I watch her little shoulders slump as she makes a big sigh and comes to give me a hug. I hug her, tell her I love her, and reassure her that I'm sure she'll have a lot of fun. I remind her that she comes home the next day, and then I watch as she slowly, with head hung down, goes back to her father and gets in his car.





Again, there are people who would claim this all could be avoided if I had never told her the truth. If I hadn't let her know that BFa has the power to let her stay home, then she wouldn't be asking him. As such, she wouldn't be being hurt by him ignoring her question.

I say this is total bullshit!

Had I hid the truth from my DD, she'd still be very upset about the situation. She would know that she doesn't want to go, and that Mommy was making her, and that BFa was making her... and she wouldn't even remotely know why. She would still be demanding to stay home, most likely having meltdowns every time. She would still be being ignored by her father.

DD would be even more stressed out not knowing the truth than she is now that I've told her.

I gave her information. I gave her facts. She now knows that I am not forcing this on her "just because". She knows that I have to let her go, and that I cannot change that. She also knows that she could stay home if BFa says it's ok, but if he says "no" then the visit does have to happen. The past two visits, while still somewhat crappy, have shown that DD can better handle "being made" to visit BFa now that she's been "clued in".

How is this possibly a bad thing?!




Oh, wait. Those people who would have me outright lie, or lie by omission, think I am intentionally turning my DD against her father. They think I am passively agressively making her hate BFa and his family.

Apparently, instead of telling my DD the truth, I'm supposed to be making her feel all warm and cozy. I'm supposed to be trying to change her mind about her father. I'm supposed to be trying to make her like him again.

Again I say...

BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!!!!!! (wow, that's definitely an interesting image)

Really?! I'm supposed to invalidate my DD's feelings? I'm supposed to tell her her feelings are wrong? I'm supposed to withhold information that can help her better handle her emotions, just so "Daddy of the Year" doesn't have to deal with the repercussions of his own stupidity!? REALLY?!




No. Not going to happen. Ever.




Lying and withholding information is not in DD's best interest. It might be in BFa's best interest, but it is not in DD's best interest.

As her mother, my concern is what is best for DD. Being open and honest with her is what is best for her.




I will continue to tell my DD the truth.








... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...







Side note:


BFa is not the only person who may be illaffected by my honesty with my children. I am honest with them (well, DD right now. DS is only 1 and isn't asking questions yet, and "baby" hasn't been born yet) about everyone and everything.

My SIL was in a TO last year for a few months. Seeing as she lives with MIL, MIL pretty much because "collateral damage". Although, that was more through her own choice as we did extend the invitation for her to visit us here.

DD noticed we hadn't seen MIL and SIL in a while. She asked us why...

By the end of her questioning, she knew that DH and I were upset with SIL (her aunt). She knew we were upset with her because she said some very mean things. She knew SIL had not appologized. She knew we wanted to still see MIL (Abuela), but that MIL kept saying "no" when we asked her to come visit.

Her own summary of it when it was all said and done:


"So, Titi is in a time out for not being nice. I get time outs when I'm not nice, but I say 'sorry' so I can come out of them. Titi should say sorry. And Abuela needs to come play anyway because she isn't in a time out."




It isn't just BFa that I'm open and honest about. It's everyone.

Bipolar Disorder

While entertaining myself on the interwebz today I learned a horrible thing. There are crazy assholes out there who are giving people with a Bipolar diagnosis a bad reputation. I swear, it would seem that most people, because of their experience with these assholes, think that anyone who is Bipolar is a garunteed wrecking ball!

This irritates me. It irritates me a lot! I am Bipolar. I am not an uncontrollable beast resembling The Hulk. Yes, I have issues. Yes, those issues are excessive and extreme at times. No, I am not some untrustworthy PITA who's determined to destroy relationships and control the world around me at all costs! I'm not going to flip out on you if you don't walk on eggshells around me!

Are there times I'm going to be irritated by things people say and do? Yes, but everyone has those moments. Are there going to be days my reactions seem extreme? Yes, however I'm not going to just completely freak out on you!

Why? Because, like many (I dare say most) Bipolar people, I care about my health and relationships. I get proper treatment for my diagnosis. I learn about it, learn ways to manage it. I understand it, and I know it isn't an excuse for poor behavior. I actually expect there to be consequences when I act poorly!

Those of us with Bipolar disorder are NOT automatically unstable, pissed off, furiously enraged assholes! We are NOT garunteed to just freak out on you if you tell us something we don't like. We are NOT garunteed to freak out on you if you do something we don't like.

Yes, we have a mental diagnosis. Yes, it affects how our brains work. Yes, if our particular brand of Bipolar includes manics we can get unreasonably angry, sometimes explosively so (though these explosions are generally short lived).

However, we are NOT defined by our diagnosis!







Ok. Venting and ranting over. Below is some information taken from various medical websites about Bipolar Disorder.

One of my favorite sites is this one. It's very informative.

There is also some good information here. This is the Abilify website. This is the medication I am personally taking for Bipolar I - Mixed.




Types of Bipolar Disorder:

• Bipolar I - Defined by manic or mixed episodes lasting at least 7 days, or mania so severe it requires hospitalization. Usually, the person also has depressive episodes lasting about two weeks. These episodes, manic and depressive, must be a drastic change from the person's typical normal behavior.
- Mixed episodes are depressive episodes that display manic symptoms.

• Bipolar II - Defined by periods of depressive episodes alternating with hypomanic episodes. The difference is there is never a full-blown manic episode, and there are no mixed episodes.

• Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified) - A person shows signs of Bipolar disorder, but the symptoms either do not last long enough to qualify as Bipolar I or II. The other option is that there just are not enough of the symptoms present at the same time to be diagnosed with I or II. However, the behaviors are clearly not within the person's "normal" behavior range.

• Cyclothymia - This is a mild form of Bipolar disorder. People with this have episodes of hypomania that alternate with mild depression for at least two years, however symtoms are not severe enough for other types of Bipolar disorder.

My own diagosis is Bipolar I. My episodes are either entirely manic, or are mixed. I have not needed hospital care as of yet, however I have had explosive manic episodes. They are rare occurance, as I have learned to recognize an episode and can take action to try and control myself before I blow up. This does not mean I will not "freak out", but it does mean there is less of a chance of a full "blow up" (when things become TOO excessive). Mostly my manics are "normal" manics.

As for my depressive episodes, they are not soley depression. Being mixed, my depressions also exhibit manic symptoms. I will be depressed, but will still have excessive energy. I could be highly irritable. In a nut-shell, I'm depressively "on edge".



Causes:

• There is no known cause for Bipolar disorder, just as there is no known cause for the occurance of episodes. The disorder affects both men and women, and usually develops in a person's late teens to early twenties. Sometimes signs can appear early in childhood, however.

• Bipolar disorder does appear to run in families. Genetics may play a role.

• Drugs and alcohol can trigger episodes, however their use may also be a symptom of an episode.

• It is important to know that this is a brain disorder that results in unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity-levels, and the ability to carry ut day-to-day tasks.



Symptoms:

Manic Episodes:

• Mood Changes
- feeling "high", overly happy and outgoing
- extremely irritable, aggitated, feeling "jumpy" or "wired"

• Behavioral Changes
- talking very fast, racing thoughts, topic jumping
- easily distracted
- increase in goal-directed projects, over-involvement in projects
- restlessness, little to no sleep
- inflated self-esteem, delusions of grandure, false belief in special abilities
- acting impulsively
- risky behaviors - examples: spending sprees, impulsive sex, substance abuse
- little to no temper control

Depressive Episodes:

• Mood Changes
- feeling worried or empty
- loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, including sex
- persistent sadness

• Behavioral Changes
- feeling tired and "slowed down"
- trouble concentrating, remembering things, and making decisions
- thoughts of suicide
- sleep disturbances
- eating disturbances



Treatment:

• Mood stabilizers - generally the first line of treatment.

• Atypical antipsychotic medications - if a person experiences psychotic symptoms (hallucinations) during an episode, these may be needed.

• Antidepressants - if needed, it's given along with the mood stabilizer as taking only an antidepressant can cause an increase in manic episodes.

• Psychotherapy
- Cognitive behavioral therapy - learn how to control and change negative behaviors
- Family-focused therapy - enhance family coping strategies
- Interpersonal and social rhythm therapy - learn how to improve relationships, routines
- Psychoeducation - teach about the diagnosis and how to recognize episodes and control



While Bipolar disorder is highly disrutive of a person's life, it can be very well managed with a proper treatment plan. Once treatment has begun, it is important to maintain it as this is a lifelong illness and cannot be fully controlled without help.

It is important for someone with Bipolar disorder to keep a set routine. Routines, knowing what to expect each day, can help prevent manic episodes.

It is also important they get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can lead to manic episodes.

It is important that the people around a Bipolar person do not feed into their symptoms. Enabling and excusing behaviors will not help somenoe with Bipolar disorder learn to control themselves.

Guilt - Crying

I'm a bit overdue for a post. I appologize to those who read this!

I believe last I posted was about an issue with people who bring extra "guests" when they were not invited. I also included what I expected of my husband when dealin with this issue. You will be happy to know that he did, in fact, follow through and take care of that issue!

However, it did open a different can of worms... The Guilt Trip!

This particular guilt trip consisted of "The Waterfall". Yes, you guessed it! It was full of crying!!!



My husband, on his way home from work, called his mother soley with the intent of dealing with the uninvited guests issue. It would seem it quickly spiralled into a cry-fest. There was very little that allowed DH to even say anything. From what I saw from our front window once he pulled into the driveway (and sat in the car to finish the convo), he'd open his mouth to start to speak and quickly have to stop as he wasn't allowed to say much before another load of blubbering from the other end.

Yes, in an ideal world he would have just told his mom "It seems you're too emotional to have an adult conversation at the moment. Please call me when you have calmed down." and then hung up... but my husband is not to this point yet.

Anyway, lots of tears. When it comes to DH, this is MIL's MO - My son isn't doing things my way. My son isn't letting me do what I want. My son has told me "no". To make my son obey me, I am going to cry. His mom crying pulls directly at his heartstrings. It is his biggest weakness. It has always worked in the past! Let the waterworks run freely!!!

The crying took its toll. Sadly for MIL, however, it did not have the desired outcome! DH did his best to ignore the crying while on the phone with her. He stuck to the point. Even with all the arguments MIL threw at him:

Why does it matter?! He's just a 2yo little boy! - It doesn't matter how old he is. WE did not invite him, therefore he should not have come.

But he's FAMILY! - It doesn't matter what he is, family or otherwise. Tigre and I did not invite him. He should not have come. If we (me and Tigre) do not invite someone, regardless of relation or age, then it is NOT ok for you to bring them!

But I was doing your cousin a favor! She was having problems with her boyfriend so I offered to take her son with to your DS's birthday! - It doesn't matter what your intent was. Again, WE as the hosts did not invite him! If we don't invite the person to our home, then you cannot bring the person to our home!

But it's what your family has ALWAYS done! This is how we are! Why can't you leave things the way they always have been?! - MY family is my wife and kids, and WE have NOT always done that! MY family expects to be respected and is NOT ok with people bringing uninvited people to our home! Do NOT do it! (Go DH!)


So MIL gets all huffy, and realizing her arguments and tears are getting her nowhere throws one last thing at DH:

Fine! I guess I'll just have to call before I come to your DD's birthday to make sure I'm even still welcome!

Dramatic much?!

Gotta love the guilt trips! They make for some entertaining shit! Sadly, you could visibly see the toll it took on DH. Her crying really gets to him! Sadly, he doesn't yet see it for what it is - a manipulation tactic. I have hope for him, though. Someday he'll realize it, and then the tears will no longer hurt him. Until then, at least he didn't cave!



The party went pretty much drama free! My only real issue was that DH has this idea that if you force your child to interact with someone, your child will grow used to that person and be "ok" with them. So, he kept forcing DS to be held by FIL.

(Did I mention FIL was the only IL who came to DD's party?! Yeah...)

I kept taking DS away from FIL. I wasn't going to let my child scream just because FIL wants DS to like him. Not going to happen! My kids' comfort comes before the wants of everyone else.

DH and I did talk about this. I actually asked him what's more important - that his children be happy? Or that extended family are happy? He realizes now that it was wrong for him to do that to DS. It's more important that our children have GOOD relationships with extended family, where our childrne CHOOSE to be around them... not that they are FORCED into relationships with them.

Again it comes back to guilt. His parents are always on him about how DD and DS aren't all comfy cozy with them, and are stand-offish around them, and scream if they try to hold them...


Aside from that, though, the party was a huge success!!!!






... ... ...





Oh, and MIL DID eventually show up... at like, 7:45pm, after everyone had left. We kicked her out around an hour later. The only reason she was even allowed to show up anyway was because my own cousin and her family was still here, so DD was still awake playing with my cousin's kids!

Way to skip the entire event, MIL. We knew she was coing late due to a prior engagement, but she had led us to believe she'd be here around 6... We fed her reheated pizza, and she didn't get any cake... We sure as hell weren't breaking everything back out for someone who shows up almost 2 hours after they say they'll be here!




We haven't seen the ILs since! Though, I'm sure I'll have some tales for all of you soon!

OBIL is back in the area! I believe he is living with MIL now... It's only a matter of time before we get the "Your brother is back! He's BEEN back! How dare you not come see him! How dare you not bring your children to see him! He's never even MET DS yet! You're horrible people trying to keep everyone but Tigre's family away!"

Oh yes... fun times in the future! But OBIL is a completely different story for a different day!