Guilt - Crying

I'm a bit overdue for a post. I appologize to those who read this!

I believe last I posted was about an issue with people who bring extra "guests" when they were not invited. I also included what I expected of my husband when dealin with this issue. You will be happy to know that he did, in fact, follow through and take care of that issue!

However, it did open a different can of worms... The Guilt Trip!

This particular guilt trip consisted of "The Waterfall". Yes, you guessed it! It was full of crying!!!



My husband, on his way home from work, called his mother soley with the intent of dealing with the uninvited guests issue. It would seem it quickly spiralled into a cry-fest. There was very little that allowed DH to even say anything. From what I saw from our front window once he pulled into the driveway (and sat in the car to finish the convo), he'd open his mouth to start to speak and quickly have to stop as he wasn't allowed to say much before another load of blubbering from the other end.

Yes, in an ideal world he would have just told his mom "It seems you're too emotional to have an adult conversation at the moment. Please call me when you have calmed down." and then hung up... but my husband is not to this point yet.

Anyway, lots of tears. When it comes to DH, this is MIL's MO - My son isn't doing things my way. My son isn't letting me do what I want. My son has told me "no". To make my son obey me, I am going to cry. His mom crying pulls directly at his heartstrings. It is his biggest weakness. It has always worked in the past! Let the waterworks run freely!!!

The crying took its toll. Sadly for MIL, however, it did not have the desired outcome! DH did his best to ignore the crying while on the phone with her. He stuck to the point. Even with all the arguments MIL threw at him:

Why does it matter?! He's just a 2yo little boy! - It doesn't matter how old he is. WE did not invite him, therefore he should not have come.

But he's FAMILY! - It doesn't matter what he is, family or otherwise. Tigre and I did not invite him. He should not have come. If we (me and Tigre) do not invite someone, regardless of relation or age, then it is NOT ok for you to bring them!

But I was doing your cousin a favor! She was having problems with her boyfriend so I offered to take her son with to your DS's birthday! - It doesn't matter what your intent was. Again, WE as the hosts did not invite him! If we don't invite the person to our home, then you cannot bring the person to our home!

But it's what your family has ALWAYS done! This is how we are! Why can't you leave things the way they always have been?! - MY family is my wife and kids, and WE have NOT always done that! MY family expects to be respected and is NOT ok with people bringing uninvited people to our home! Do NOT do it! (Go DH!)


So MIL gets all huffy, and realizing her arguments and tears are getting her nowhere throws one last thing at DH:

Fine! I guess I'll just have to call before I come to your DD's birthday to make sure I'm even still welcome!

Dramatic much?!

Gotta love the guilt trips! They make for some entertaining shit! Sadly, you could visibly see the toll it took on DH. Her crying really gets to him! Sadly, he doesn't yet see it for what it is - a manipulation tactic. I have hope for him, though. Someday he'll realize it, and then the tears will no longer hurt him. Until then, at least he didn't cave!



The party went pretty much drama free! My only real issue was that DH has this idea that if you force your child to interact with someone, your child will grow used to that person and be "ok" with them. So, he kept forcing DS to be held by FIL.

(Did I mention FIL was the only IL who came to DD's party?! Yeah...)

I kept taking DS away from FIL. I wasn't going to let my child scream just because FIL wants DS to like him. Not going to happen! My kids' comfort comes before the wants of everyone else.

DH and I did talk about this. I actually asked him what's more important - that his children be happy? Or that extended family are happy? He realizes now that it was wrong for him to do that to DS. It's more important that our children have GOOD relationships with extended family, where our childrne CHOOSE to be around them... not that they are FORCED into relationships with them.

Again it comes back to guilt. His parents are always on him about how DD and DS aren't all comfy cozy with them, and are stand-offish around them, and scream if they try to hold them...


Aside from that, though, the party was a huge success!!!!






... ... ...





Oh, and MIL DID eventually show up... at like, 7:45pm, after everyone had left. We kicked her out around an hour later. The only reason she was even allowed to show up anyway was because my own cousin and her family was still here, so DD was still awake playing with my cousin's kids!

Way to skip the entire event, MIL. We knew she was coing late due to a prior engagement, but she had led us to believe she'd be here around 6... We fed her reheated pizza, and she didn't get any cake... We sure as hell weren't breaking everything back out for someone who shows up almost 2 hours after they say they'll be here!




We haven't seen the ILs since! Though, I'm sure I'll have some tales for all of you soon!

OBIL is back in the area! I believe he is living with MIL now... It's only a matter of time before we get the "Your brother is back! He's BEEN back! How dare you not come see him! How dare you not bring your children to see him! He's never even MET DS yet! You're horrible people trying to keep everyone but Tigre's family away!"

Oh yes... fun times in the future! But OBIL is a completely different story for a different day!