Divided Loyalties

A recent post on a certain advice column shocked me. This particular advice columnist is known for giving "suck it up and take it in the ass you fucking doormat" advice. Recently, however, this person actually gave GOOD advice. She told the woman in need that, since she must make a choice, she should be choosing her husband.

This got me thinking about loyalties and marriage. Not even marriage, perhaps. It is probably more like loyalties when in any kind of a relationship.

If you have a partner - boy/girlfriend, fiance/fiancee, husband/wife, or whatever you may classify your significant other relationship - your loyalties lie with that person. They lie ONLY with that person.


Some examples:


• Dad doesn't like your SO.
- You side with your SO. Dad needs to suck it up and be civil. If dad does not, then you don't see dad. It is not ok to subject your SO to your father's abuse, and you shouldn't reward him by allowing him to visit with you without your SO. You should also expect an apology.

• Your SO claims your mother dumped the bottle you made for your infant because, according to your mother, your SO didn't make it right. Your mother denies this.
- You side with your SO. You believe your SO. Anything less would be telling your SO that he/she is a liar. This results in a lack of trust in the relationship. No trust means no relationship. As for your mother, you should never leave your SO alone with her again lest she pull the same or another stunt to try and drive a wedge between you and your SO. You should also tell her that it is unacceptable to undermine your SO's parenting in any way.



When you enter a relationship, that person becomes number one in your life. Mom, dad, siblings? They all take a back seat to your SO. If they refuse to accept that, then you should start distancing yourself from them. If you leave your loyalties divided, your relationship is guaranteed to have problems. If your loyalties remain divided, or if you side with your FOO, your relationship with deteriorate and ultimately fail.